Asking Eric: The parents refuse to cut their trip short despite their teen’s crisis

Dear Eric My wife s brother Sid and his wife in the last few days left on a six-week overseas trip leaving their -year-old son Bobby at home with his grandfather who speaks very little English Related Articles Asking Eric I m annoyed that this co-worker keeps barging in on me Asking Eric The latest of my friends to vanish had been acting strange on our walk Asking Eric My children are getting stupider and I despair of leaving them my hard-earned money Asking Eric A cemetery guard ruined my father s funeral and that was just the start Asking Eric I ve tried to please the vegans but these burgers were the last straw They didn t leave any instructions with anyone in matter of an crisis My wife and I are close to Bobby Last week he had a mental breakdown He called us and we took him to see his practitioner who after asking a number of questions instructed us to take him to the hospital psych ward Bobby was then moved to a behavioral strength clinic where he is now a recipient My wife and I pleaded with Sid to come home because his son needed him The social workers Bobby s physician and his counselors have also tried to persuade Sid and his wife to come home to no avail He s ignored my messages and has talked to his sister twice to check in To see Bobby like this is killing us and I can hardly control my anger at Sid and his wife What if anything should I say when they return from their trip Furious Uncle Dear Uncle I should think the social workers and doctors will have a lot to say to Sid and his wife presumably before you have a chance to speak with them Bobby is clearly in situation and their disregard not only comes across as callous but strongly suggests a troubling home life Because you re close with Bobby and you stepped up when the parents didn t I think you should say whatever s on your mind that you re angry that you re concerned that you don t understand their actions What feels more major than venting however is making sure they know and Bobby knows that he has an advocate Please keep in contact with the social workers as well If Bobby is being neglected at home he s going to continue to need someone like you to stand up for him Dear Eric I have a lot of food allergies and sensitivities that include items that do not have to be claimed as allergens per the CDC FDA on ingredients lists One of the bulk frustrating things about this is trying to explain my very boring plate of plain lettuce sans dressing which is quite often the only reliable menu item that I can order when eating out with friends acquaintances The worst symptom that happens if I eat the wrong food is anaphylaxis the greater part common symptom is severe migraines The migraines are unfailingly preceded by essentially losing my vision for an hour during the aura phase and when left untreated can get pretty bad I largely control the migraines through a very limited diet I m on meds for depression and those don t inevitably mix well with rescue migraine meds so avoidance of triggers is my best option I typically avoid social gatherings to avoid people arching their brow and asking if the usually wilted lettuce is all I am eating I love a good rare steak and jacket potatoes as much as the next person I just can t trust that how the cook prepares it won t trigger a migraine When I eat lunch with coworkers I invariably refuse to order out unless I know the place has reliably safe food that won t trigger issues I frequently feel or am made to feel like I am making a big deal of the dietary issues which is why I avoid food gatherings as much as accomplishable If I enjoy myself and ignore my dietary demands I get horrifically sick If I eat what is safe there are invariably a lot of awkward questions about why I m not eating and I have to defend my general eating choices with the response of weird allergies and I don t feel like needing rescue meds currently I m not sure what the better approach is here Confused Migraineur Dear Migraineur Depriving yourself of food you want and company seems like the worse option to me So let s look at solutions that keep you feeling well while also keeping the social weirdness at bay People do tend to have a lot of opinions about what others are eating unfortunately But it will be helpful for you to reframe the way you think about these interactions Your allergies may be weird to others or even to you but you don t have to operate within their narrative about you In response to the invasive questions try these scripts Short and sweet Specialist s orders Spicy and saucy Surely there are more intriguing things for us to talk about than what s on my plate Related Articles Miss Manners What s the best way to dodge a fishy hug And what if they chase me Dear Abby We re not even married and she s pestering me about my clothes and eating Asking Eric I m annoyed that this co-worker keeps barging in on me Harriette Cole I can t get over what my child commented about my drinking Miss Manners Am I petty to think my neighbors parties are unfair to single people Plain and healthy I m happy with this don t worry about it I know it s annoying to get these questions but try to work on thinking of your responses less as a defense and more as a personal choice You may be powerless against the allergies but you do have agency over what you choose to share You re not making a big deal here it sounds like you ve been clear and even overly accommodating when navigating residents eating events Sometimes with plates and with conversations less is more Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com