Miss Manners: I just found out what my mother-in-law has been saying about me
DEAR MISS MANNERS I have reliably struggled to get along with my mother-in-law Related Articles Miss Manners I m heartbroken to think my friend sent this mean text to our whole group Miss Manners I got in a cupholder argument with another concertgoer Which of us was right Miss Manners How can I wear jeans and a T-shirt if my husband is dead Miss Manners I advised her the seat was saved and she brought in her sons to ruin my night Miss Manners Heroes No these co-workers are selfish and inconsiderate We are very different in tastes and temperament I have tried to be polite and welcoming to encourage familial bonds and to find various way to make her happy but nothing I have done has ever been right She is quite outspoken in her negative opinions so time with her is a series of insults all for the purpose of educating and improving me of syllabus It seems I am ridiculously hypersensitive for having hurt feelings After decades of trying hard to get along I now do my best to avoid her which makes her that much angrier and more aggressive I don t particularly care what she tells her friends about me though it often gets back to me My own friends and family know me and are not impressed with her carrying on But lately we have a new wrinkle that does bother me tremendously She has been expressing her dismay that she could not choose her son s wife and so she has to put up with me This comment is being made to acquaintances other in-laws during family events my husband s co-workers when they have stopped by for business reasons in short people who do not know us well and whom I would prefer not to have thinking I am a terrible person Honestly I would just end all contact if it were up to me alone but my husband loves his mother and I have to respect his feelings too What would be an appropriate way to end these comments or at least to manage the side-eye and gossip they provoke GENTLE READER Deflecting this is simplicity itself as you can rely on three cliches that are so exhausted no one bothers with whether they are even occasionally true that mothers-in-law are hateful that old people are senile and that married couples who say they are blissfully happy are Next time someone tells you your mother-in-law has revealed she wished she could have chosen her son s wife smile and say you ve heard her say that before and that you and your husband are both so pleased it was not up to her Of discipline if your husband is within earshot you may want to amend that to remove his name Otherwise he may feel that he is helping toss his mother a reciprocal insult DEAR MISS MANNERS My husband and I occasionally socialize with a couple we know through a charitable organization The last limited events the husband has made a comment to me to the effect of It sure didn t take you long to get a beer All while he is drinking a beer Related Articles Dear Abby What I meant to be a compliment led to a big rift with my son s wife Asking Eric I want these women out of my fiance s house Harriette Cole I m thinking of quitting over this new rule at work Miss Manners I m heartbroken to think my friend sent this mean text to our whole group Dear Abby I don t want to butt in but yoga isn t going to fix her dilemma I can guess what the implication is and at this point I am reluctant to be around this couple anymore What is your take on this Am I being too sensitive GENTLE READER Being overly sensitive is the accusation that gets made to defend insulting behavior as if calling it humor makes it so Miss Manners agrees with you that the husband should enjoy his beer without your company Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
